12.28.12

And that song still takes me back to that look in your eyes
The melody reminds me of your soft, sweaty hands in mine
The rhythm makes me feel my heart racing again
The beat brings the memory of that so sacred dancing night
The lyrics help me remember exactly what we felt

12.17.12

Music is so intriguing. It amazes me how listening to that one song can bring you back to that one time in the past, how it can bring back a thousand feelings and let you have one more glimpse of that moment. Every note, every lyric, when played brings forth a certain feeling to spill out from our memory. The past isn't something we can relive, but when listening to that certain melody, we can, even for one moment, slip back in time to that certain place of nostalgia.

12.12.12 again

This is the night I'll go straight to sleep
This is the night I'll fall into my dreams
This is the night I'll erase all the grief
This is the night I'll make sense of my thinks
This is the night I'll hide from what seems
This is the night I'll go straight to sleep

12.12.12

It's the twelfth day of the twelfth month of the year two thousand twelve. Crazy. 12/12/12. Was something spectacular supposed to happen today? Maybe. Something tragic? Not necessarily. Something life changing?  Probably not. This is the last time the date will repeat itself like this. Something special should have happened. But there was nothing too out of the ordinary. I took a super hard test in Grammar. I fell even harder for my crush. My best friend was home sick. What else? Nothing. Ho-hum dumb-drum. My existence feels so irrelevant lately. I have hardly an ounce of motivation. I have to convince myself that schoolwork is somehow important, that my body somewhy needs sleep, that people somewhere care about me. Sometimes, I get catch myself in my daydreams. Disgustolgia is what I'd like to call these silly thinkings. Daydreams, zone-outs, simply staring off into space, thinking of nothingness. That's what my days mostly consist of. Nothing unusual or wonderful anymore. But hey, maybe twelve just isn't even my lucky number anyway.

12.11.12

Remember when we were little? When we would drive around together in my little pink Barbie car. When we would pretend your fort was a real house. When we played hide and seek in the pitch dark. When we made a bet in second grade, and I still owe you two pieces of candy. When you would push me in the pool and I'd pull you in with me. When we would have capture the flag tournaments, and I would always win. When you would chase me around your yard because I took your water balloon. When we played cops and robbers and I was always on your team. When we shot off fireworks, my parachute got stuck in your tree and you climbed up and got it for me. When you sprayed me with the hose. When your kindergarten school picture went though the washer because I forgot it in my pocket. When we played wiffle ball in your backyard. When we made secret agent ID's (and I still have mine). When we'd bang pots and pans around the neighborhood on New Year's Eve. When we made a chalk town in the basketball court. When you let me ride your bike, but no one else. When you taught me how to shoot a basketball. When you took me TPing for my first time. When there was a tornado warning late and we watched High School Musical in my basement. When you threw acorns at my window when you wanted to talk. When we stayed up until 12:30 playing Black Ops for your birthday. When you first told me I was your best friend.
You know, I used to think we were going to get married.
But, you're just my best friend. My brother.
And I love you for that.

12.14.12 - Midnight

I used to be pretty.
Can I be pretty again?
I look in the mirror now and it's not me. It's something different. Someone different. New. Weird. I don't like it.
I used to be pretty. I used to laugh all the time. I used to be able to jump and run. I used to sleep.
Now I can't. I can't be pretty, I can't laugh, I can't sleep. I'm not who I once was. I'm not who I am. I don't know myself. I don't know who I am. I don't. I can't. I'm not. I try, but I fail.
I used to be pretty. Now I'm just here. Existing. Being. And for what reason?
I used to know.

11.28.12

It's so interesting. Teenagers. The way we all think. It's all the same. Yet so incredibly different.
My friend and I walked out of the high school today, and the sun was so bright. I made the comment. My friend agreed. Then we overheard a guy behind us, whom I didn't know, say how the sun was so bright it hurt his eyes. His friend agreed. I'm not sure why this amazed me so, but it did.
Adolescent thought processes are so similar. We all notice the same little things, yet usually have many separate things on our minds.
Sometimes I just watch. Just watch the people walking by. The people laughing with their friends. The people sitting by themselves. Sometimes I make up stories about their lives, like who they are and what they've been through. Sometimes I just wonder. Who's had their heart broken today? Who's scored 100 percent on their hardest quiz? Who's going to get wasted tonight and regret it tomorrow morning? Everyone has their own story. I want to know those stories. I feel as though I'm missing out. As though there's something better going on in another place at another time.
Does anyone else feel like this? Or are we all just commenting on how bright the sun is...?

11.11.12

You were all in color
And I was black and white.
So intimately subtle,
So violently bright.
I often ask myself how;
How to live up to your lovely perfection.
It seems near impossible
As I glance at my dull reflection.
I wish I could just be with you
Every night and day.
I'd invite you right into my heart
And forever hope you'd stay.
Loving you is so surreal,
I'm feeling things I shouldn't feel.
But honestly, here's the deal:
It is all your heart I'm trying to steal.

Mid October

Would you stay on my mind
So I could dream of you all night
Instead of this other dumb guy
Who's pulling on my heartstrings so tight
Conflicts fill my sight
It just hardly ever feels right
Anymore

Last Year

I wish I could go back in time
just to change your mind.
Then I wouldn't be thinking about you
and all the memories we made.
Everything would have stayed the same.
We'd be together.
Nothing could stop us.
You said forever.
When did that change?

Sometime In August

You're wonderful.
How could you deny that?
All the other girls see it,
I'm just the one to tell you that.
When you're out with them,
It makes me jealous of them.
When you laugh with them,
I want to be one of them.
The way they look at you,
The way they talk about you.
It's like they want to be with you,
But I'm the one who has you.
Are you in love with me?
Do you feel something about me?
Or do you feel sorry for me,
Because I have no one to back me?
Them.
You.
Me.
It's all a cycle,
That you can't see.

Titles.

I've decided that most of my writings aren't going to have titles. Why put a label on things when you can just look inside and completely understand? But just so everything isn't named "Untitled", I'll do the date it was written. Some of my earlier writings I did before starting this blog, I don't exactly remember when I typed them, so I'll just approximate.

Can You

Can you give me a reason
not to love you
Can you give me a reason
to turn away
Can you give me a chance
not to hate you
Can you give me a chance
to stay

Here's The Deal.

So, I write a lot. And this is gonna kinda be my place I keep my little random thoughts. Sometimes it's poetry. Sometimes it's gibberish.

It's mostly all nonsense and nostalgia with a mix of prednisone side effects.

Cody

With his wind blown hair,
It just wasn't fair.
The way he was blowing my mind.
With his gorgeous blue eyes,
It's kinda hard to disguise.
This boy, he's a one of a kind.

This Blog.

So, here I am. This is my blog. I'm not really even sure how to do this or how to work it, but here it is. You're welcome..