Recreate and Repeat

"Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself - what you're wearing, who you're around, what you're doing. Recreate and repeat."
-- Warsan Shire

Tuesday, 8:17 p.m. - Sitting at my desk by myself wearing my dad's old gray crewneck and listening to the rain and listening to The Paper Kites and distractedly working on APUSH homework and feeling the cold breeze and daydreaming

Sunday, 1:51 p.m. - Jittering, anticipating the fashion show to start, sitting next to an old comforting friend, drenched in the soft glow of the stage lights, wearing a soft sweater and a small smile, listening to the loud thump of the DJ's familiar remixes, the lights go dark and everything makes sense

Tuesday, 9:39 p.m. - I'm lying in bed in shorts and a too big tie dye tee shirt. I'm telling my dad about my day. I flossed. I trimmed and filed my nails. I turned my fan back on. I took a standardized test. Today was good.

Wednesday, 8:57 a.m. - The windows are down, The 1975 is playing low, the warm wind is rushing lightly across my face, I'm wearing ripped up jeans and a gray shirt, I don't feel gray, I'm heading to another doctor's appointment, this is who I am, and that's okay with me

Recreate and repeat. 

Conclusions / Reminders

Work is hard. But it has to be done. Push through.

Take initiative. Be more focused on the process towards the goal instead of the goal itself. Nothing worthwhile will just fall into the lap of an expectant person.

Relying on people and taking advantage of people are two very different things that can easily be confused.

Know when it is acceptable to be honest with your limits and be kind to yourself, and know when you need to shut up and get it over with.

Remember that there are other ways to make money.

Sacrifices don't always have to be called sacrifices; that word is overwhelming. Also, they don't always have to hurt or impair.

Things usually tend to seem okay-er in the morning.

Talking to Myself Again

It's okay if the world is spinning

It's okay if it's going so fast that you can't keep up and it's okay that you're dizzy again and your head is pounding

Focus on the car door handle

Focus on the lock switch

Don't look at the streetlights whizzing by

Don't look at the guardrail turning into a steady blur

Don't look at the lake it's too cold and it would not feel nice to stay under for that extra second

Focus on the handle and the switch

It's locked

It's going to stay locked until the ground stops moving beneath you and your family

But the ground won't stop moving beneath you

But it's okay if the world is spinning

And it's okay if it won't stop