Stop Listening

There comes a point in time when you have to stop listening to what they tell you to do.

When you'd rather stay in bed and watch Harry Styles youtube videos than go outside and watch the cute neighbor boys flirt with your younger sister, please stay in bed.

If you decide you want to drink hot chocolate and stay and watch the soccer game instead of getting stranded at the football jamboree with cold McDonald's fries, please stay at the soccer field.

When you start to prefer different music and clothing and attain a different aesthetic than your friends' usual ish, please continue being slightly hipster punk.

Please, for the sake of your sanity and happiness, do what you want to do.

Go over and sit by the boy with the guitar playing your favorite Green Day song. Talk to him. Learn that he's been playing since sixth grade and that he has a twin brother. 

Smile at your old friends from middle school. Laugh with them like you used to and be introduced to their new friend. Guess his name (and get it right!). 

Make tons of awesome internet friends and plan dates and places where you'll someday finally meet. Skype them. Text them. Don't let your real friends (or family) make you feel bad about it. 

There comes a point in time when you have to stop listening to them, and start listening to yourself.

Please, for the sake of your sanity and happiness, do what you want to do. 

Thanks. 

I Love Myself

I love myself.

And that's okay.

I think I'm funny

and pretty

and worth it.

People tend to associate confidence with a negative connotation.

But I disagree.

There is a big difference

between self-confidence and pride.

The trend recently seems to be

Self-loathing.

Hating yourself.

Wallowing in self pity.

Loss of self-worth.

Zero motivation to better yourself.

General dark thoughts of yourself and contemplation of suicide.

Really bad stuff, guys.

I think

(as usual)

The trend should be the opposite.

We should be loving ourselves,

Lifting each other up and smiling at the sky.

Before you can love anyone

Or let anyone love you,

You have to first learn to love yourself.

It's a hard thing, don't get me wrong.

It took me a long time.

It's hard to stay away from the downer trends.

It's hard to find the good things

About yourself

When so much is changing

That it's hard to keep up.

But it's possible.

And it's awesome once you realize just how awesome you are.

I love myself.

I like who I am;

Who I've become.

And you should like yourself too;

And who you choose to become.

A Blessing Without Disguise

"You know what's really good exercise? Just dancing around your room. Freaking yes. It's fun and if you get too into it (LIKE ME ALWAYS) you get a good workout. I just like it and I always feel better about myself after. I just got a little workout and also jammed to good music. Just happy. I am seriously in such a good mood right now. Wow."

These are the moments I live for. The moments we live for. When my best friend is impeccably joyful, it's contagious. She has a way of spreading her happiness like a wildfire, which I think is ironic, since she often metaphorically compares herself to natural disasters. If you're lucky enough to have someone in your life who is constantly there for you through all the seasons of your life; who listens to you rant and makes you laugh; who needs you just as much as you need them; do not, I repeat DO NOT, let them go. Hold on tight, because, especially during these oh-so-difficult teenage years, quality people are hard to find, and even harder to keep.

Tia Baker and I always used to (and still do) joke about how we were probably actually supposed to be sisters. But now thinking about it, God made us best friends for a reason (because we are so gosh darn alike, we'd probably kill each other if we were siblings). She's my blessing without disguise, a generally rad person, a hecka quality human being, and my "sister".

So right now, at 10:14 AM on a Tuesday, I'm dancing around my room listening to good music and jamming hardcore, because my best friend reminded me how fun it is to be in a good mood. And I get a great workout out of it.

Happiness Isn't Just a Mood

Yesterday morning, my dad and I woke up early to go hit some balls at the driving range.
That afternoon, I went job searching and grocery shopping and joke making with my mom.
Last night, my little sister and I stayed up past her bedtime watching The Incredibles, and then she came and slept in my bed for a little while.
A few minutes ago, I took my dog, Mocha, out to the front yard, grabbed the hose, and soaped her up for a bath.

Amidst these things, I had a very disappointing experience with a few of my friends.

Thankfully, I remembered something someone a lot smarter than me (Madisen Kuhn, thx) once said: "I could’ve let myself be bummed out all day, but I consciously decided to be joyful and stay hopeful instead of letting my mood depend on the crummy things... You can’t let your circumstances define who you are. Life is rough sometimes. Smile anyway."

Happiness isn't just a mood. It's a conscious way of life, and it's hecka better than the alternative. I suggest you try it sometime.

Friends

On January 21, 2012, I wrote a thing.

Friends are what gets you through. They distract you from thinking too much or too deeply, and they make you laugh. Now, I'm meaning true friends. Not like your ex-boyfriend who says you'll "stay friends" after the break up, I mean come on. Be real. I'm meaning real friends who you can be totally retarded around. Who can tell when you're having a crap day. Who can cheer you up with just the right thing to say or do. Those kindsa friends. Don't lose them. Because they're hard to find. It's hard in general to find people who give the slightest care about you, and that makes true friends all the more important. Love them, because you don't know when you'll lose them.

And today on July 25, 2014, that's still very relevant.

Stars

Why do we wish on shooting stars?

They are dead-- huge, falling, bundles of flaming gas. How do they provide such hope? Humans have always been capable of incredible amounts of infinite hope. I had hope in you and me. Now that hope is dead, and it looks more like a huge, falling, bundle of flaming gas than the beauty of an acclaimed shooting star. 

what i want to be

mermaids vs. sirens

beautiful, mysterious, intriguing

luring sailors to their ultimate death

with the sweet lull of their mesmerizing voices

singing of hope, love, desire

only to deliver none of the above promised

For Me

God creates lightning storm sunsets that can't be captured by a camera to show me that He's bigger.
This storm is for me.
His love is the only love that can ever suffice, and my cup floweth over.
He's putting on a show for me, flaunting all the beauty that He knows I love.
The sky is on fire with lightning tears and a steady thunder as background music for the rain's reckless dance.
God knows I need this beauty right now.
And as the red sun falls, the peace of night covers me with His loving whisper.

Writing from the School Bus

Writing from the school bus hopelessly trying to divert myself, getting lost in the lyrics and thoughts, noticing my handwriting suffering from the bumps and turns, noticing my thoughts getting jostled with each reckless move as well. Nobody notices my pencil glide across the page, creating rhymes with snide. Nobody notices me raise the volume ever so slightly in my headphones. People don't notice much but themselves. They're lost inside a pretend conversation and a fake reality; all while I stay lost in my mind, creating bittersweet, secluded worlds on the blank of a page in the crevice of my mind. It's so easy to get lost, but how difficult is it to find yourself within it all?

Realization

I think people say

"If you love someone, let them go"

Because once you do let them go, you realize how you actually can survive without them, and you might even be okay. You realize that you really didn't even love them in the first place, and once you let go, you're no longer holding yourself back. You realize that being independent can have its benefits, and

You are stronger than you realize.