How To: Fangirl

So let's just get to the point.

I love One Direction.


My friend Carleigh took me to a 1D concert fifty-three hours ago (that's about two days for you mathematically challenged, like me). And it was amazing. Those five boys have so much raw talent, and seeing them and hearing them live definitely proved it. They always look like they're just genuinely having fun up on stage, and they get the crowd to have a good time with them. They don't need choreographed dances or backup singers or fancy outfits or anything (but dANG their lightshow was so cool!!). They just get up on stage, be themselves, and get lost in the moment. I think that's why this fandom is so spectacular. We live in the moment, take what comes, and make the best out of it.

Carleigh and I got to the venue about two hours before the show. We went around to the service entrance because we saw a big group of girls all standing together. We thought maybe we could catch the boys on their way in (it didn't happen, don't get your hopes up). All the girls were so nice. There were probably about 30 or 40 of us. Car and I got so many compliments on our shirts! Pretty soon we were getting impatient, but One Direction fangirls are so flipping resilient lemme tell ya. It started sprinkling a bit and thundering and lightning, but did that scare us off? No! We all got together and started chanting "One-Di-rec-tion" and laughing and yelling, but it just kept raining harder and thundering louder and lightning brighter. So we decided to sing their songs. We sang a few, then a few more, we must've gone through an entire album at least. It was so fun. There was a photographer there from a local online newspaper (http://www.riverfronttimes.com/slideshow/the-crazy-drenched-fans-of-one-direction-41816858/#11) and he was taking lots of pictures of all of us. We huddled together, trying to stay warm and dry, posing for the photos and singing at the top of our lungs. I felt like all of us were instantly best friends. With one common interest, we were all united. That's what's special about the One Direction fandom.

Actually, that's what's special about fangirls in general. Being passionate about something or someone is not something to be ashamed of. Pour your heart into it and embrace it. It's exhilarating. It provides infinite hope and endless friendship. Dedicate yourself to something, become a Fangirl (or fanboy, those are even cooler because they're more rare tbh). Be cautioned though, it'll be both the best and worst decision of your entire life. (I've cried myself to sleep thinking of the concert the past two nights and my high-pitched screaming voice has been absolutely gone for the past fifty-three hours BUT it's so worth it. Good luck.)

She's Changing

She's changing.

Little by little, each day,
You can't even really tell.
Unless, of course, you look closely.

Then you'd see
1.) small galaxies growing inside her mind
2.) tiny flowers blooming in her heart
3.) sweet honey coursing through her veins

But I'd advise you to do a double take.
Look even closer.

Notice that there's actually
1.) synapses in her brain
2.) love in her heart
3.) blood in her veins

She's changing.
She's maturing.
She's learning.

She's almost out of reach.

Happy Birthday to the Raddest Human Out There

So, today is my favorite author's birthday; Mr. John Green.
And last night at midnight I woke up and had a weird thought.


What if all the characters in John's books met each other?
So I started putting it together in my head.

Like, I bet Quentin, Colin, and Pudge would politely introduce themselves to each other and shake hands and make small talk.

I bet Hazel Grace and Augustus would stay side by side, but then Hazel would meet and just click with Lindsey and Lacey they would smile a lot.

I bet Alaska would be off in a corner somewhere, smoking and rolling her eyes.

I bet Margo would eventually saunter over to her and they'd try to one up each other with their stories and experiences.

I bet The Colonel and Radar and Ben and Isaac would all get together and joke around and laugh and goof off.


I don't know, dreams are weird sometimes.
But that's why they're dreams, I guess.

Stop Listening

There comes a point in time when you have to stop listening to what they tell you to do.

When you'd rather stay in bed and watch Harry Styles youtube videos than go outside and watch the cute neighbor boys flirt with your younger sister, please stay in bed.

If you decide you want to drink hot chocolate and stay and watch the soccer game instead of getting stranded at the football jamboree with cold McDonald's fries, please stay at the soccer field.

When you start to prefer different music and clothing and attain a different aesthetic than your friends' usual ish, please continue being slightly hipster punk.

Please, for the sake of your sanity and happiness, do what you want to do.

Go over and sit by the boy with the guitar playing your favorite Green Day song. Talk to him. Learn that he's been playing since sixth grade and that he has a twin brother. 

Smile at your old friends from middle school. Laugh with them like you used to and be introduced to their new friend. Guess his name (and get it right!). 

Make tons of awesome internet friends and plan dates and places where you'll someday finally meet. Skype them. Text them. Don't let your real friends (or family) make you feel bad about it. 

There comes a point in time when you have to stop listening to them, and start listening to yourself.

Please, for the sake of your sanity and happiness, do what you want to do. 

Thanks. 

I Love Myself

I love myself.

And that's okay.

I think I'm funny

and pretty

and worth it.

People tend to associate confidence with a negative connotation.

But I disagree.

There is a big difference

between self-confidence and pride.

The trend recently seems to be

Self-loathing.

Hating yourself.

Wallowing in self pity.

Loss of self-worth.

Zero motivation to better yourself.

General dark thoughts of yourself and contemplation of suicide.

Really bad stuff, guys.

I think

(as usual)

The trend should be the opposite.

We should be loving ourselves,

Lifting each other up and smiling at the sky.

Before you can love anyone

Or let anyone love you,

You have to first learn to love yourself.

It's a hard thing, don't get me wrong.

It took me a long time.

It's hard to stay away from the downer trends.

It's hard to find the good things

About yourself

When so much is changing

That it's hard to keep up.

But it's possible.

And it's awesome once you realize just how awesome you are.

I love myself.

I like who I am;

Who I've become.

And you should like yourself too;

And who you choose to become.

A Blessing Without Disguise

"You know what's really good exercise? Just dancing around your room. Freaking yes. It's fun and if you get too into it (LIKE ME ALWAYS) you get a good workout. I just like it and I always feel better about myself after. I just got a little workout and also jammed to good music. Just happy. I am seriously in such a good mood right now. Wow."

These are the moments I live for. The moments we live for. When my best friend is impeccably joyful, it's contagious. She has a way of spreading her happiness like a wildfire, which I think is ironic, since she often metaphorically compares herself to natural disasters. If you're lucky enough to have someone in your life who is constantly there for you through all the seasons of your life; who listens to you rant and makes you laugh; who needs you just as much as you need them; do not, I repeat DO NOT, let them go. Hold on tight, because, especially during these oh-so-difficult teenage years, quality people are hard to find, and even harder to keep.

Tia Baker and I always used to (and still do) joke about how we were probably actually supposed to be sisters. But now thinking about it, God made us best friends for a reason (because we are so gosh darn alike, we'd probably kill each other if we were siblings). She's my blessing without disguise, a generally rad person, a hecka quality human being, and my "sister".

So right now, at 10:14 AM on a Tuesday, I'm dancing around my room listening to good music and jamming hardcore, because my best friend reminded me how fun it is to be in a good mood. And I get a great workout out of it.

Happiness Isn't Just a Mood

Yesterday morning, my dad and I woke up early to go hit some balls at the driving range.
That afternoon, I went job searching and grocery shopping and joke making with my mom.
Last night, my little sister and I stayed up past her bedtime watching The Incredibles, and then she came and slept in my bed for a little while.
A few minutes ago, I took my dog, Mocha, out to the front yard, grabbed the hose, and soaped her up for a bath.

Amidst these things, I had a very disappointing experience with a few of my friends.

Thankfully, I remembered something someone a lot smarter than me (Madisen Kuhn, thx) once said: "I could’ve let myself be bummed out all day, but I consciously decided to be joyful and stay hopeful instead of letting my mood depend on the crummy things... You can’t let your circumstances define who you are. Life is rough sometimes. Smile anyway."

Happiness isn't just a mood. It's a conscious way of life, and it's hecka better than the alternative. I suggest you try it sometime.

Friends

On January 21, 2012, I wrote a thing.

Friends are what gets you through. They distract you from thinking too much or too deeply, and they make you laugh. Now, I'm meaning true friends. Not like your ex-boyfriend who says you'll "stay friends" after the break up, I mean come on. Be real. I'm meaning real friends who you can be totally retarded around. Who can tell when you're having a crap day. Who can cheer you up with just the right thing to say or do. Those kindsa friends. Don't lose them. Because they're hard to find. It's hard in general to find people who give the slightest care about you, and that makes true friends all the more important. Love them, because you don't know when you'll lose them.

And today on July 25, 2014, that's still very relevant.

Stars

Why do we wish on shooting stars?

They are dead-- huge, falling, bundles of flaming gas. How do they provide such hope? Humans have always been capable of incredible amounts of infinite hope. I had hope in you and me. Now that hope is dead, and it looks more like a huge, falling, bundle of flaming gas than the beauty of an acclaimed shooting star. 

what i want to be

mermaids vs. sirens

beautiful, mysterious, intriguing

luring sailors to their ultimate death

with the sweet lull of their mesmerizing voices

singing of hope, love, desire

only to deliver none of the above promised