"Please help me not get swept up in today's society and sin. You know I need to work on getting out of the flow and more into Your Word. I could be doing so much more to share Your Word. Please be with me and help me focus on nothing but You. Lord, honestly, I want to be a role model. An impact. Someone who other people look up to. Someone people go to for advice. I want to be able to share You with other people. I am able. You and I both know that. Will You help me though, please?"
This is part of a prayer I wrote down in seventh grade.
I haven't been doing a very good job of being a role model.
I've been selfish, cold-hearted, and hurtful. Pathetic, really.
And sorry doesn't cut it anymore.
I'm not going as low as I once was, but at least this time I can feel myself slipping. I can recognize when I'm losing my stance and can try to grasp at anything and everything for some kind of grip on reality. Or maybe reality is the thing that's pushing me down. Either way, here I am; recognizing my slight loss of balance and turning to the one place I know can cleanse me of these weird, angsty, annoying feels.
Anyway, on one of the hundred pieces of random paper I have shoved in my Bible, I found written "Colossians 3". Wait um? What the heck is even in Colossians??? Its like a super short four chapter book ?? And why did I note the entire chapter?? So I flipped to Colossians 3 (I keep repeating Colossians 3 so maybe it will stick in your head for a long time bc it's important) and there it was. Rules for Holy Living. EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. Some guidelines. Some hints. Some helpful tips for surviving this scary, sin-ridden world. There's basically five steps that Paul writes in Colossians 3.
1.) Set your hearts/minds on things above, not on earthly things.
2.) Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature, i.e. sexual immorality, lust, evil desires, greed, selfishness, general bad stuff.
3.) Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
4.) Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts and be thankful.
5.) Do everything in the name of your Lord Jesus.
Alright now Paul, you make this seem awfully easy.
But that's just it. It is so easy. WE are the ones that make it difficult for ourselves.
Being selfish, cold-hearted, and hurtful and stuff takes a lot of effort, and it wears us out.
It wears me out.
So here's to desperation leading me to my last hope (WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST PLACE I TURNED IDIOT KATELYN) leading me to an old prayer leading me to my perfect answer from my perfect Savior. I'm saying that prayer again tonight, but with a different perspective this time. Thanks Jesus, You seem to know what You're doing (lol).